Dysfunction Junction
by Dysfunctional Space Angel
Summary: LeonxCloud. For the simple reason that I'm a fan of the two pretty boys bonking. Where this is headed, I don't know. AU as hell, and set in Traverse Town.
1. Happy Birthday

Dysfunction Junction

Chapter 1: Happy Birthday

Not much to say, other than this is being written for the 30 Lemons Livejournal Community.

I picked Leon and Cloud, simply because there's not enough fanfiction of those twoout there. **  
**

Disclaimer: The boys are the property of Square Enix. I don't own them, wish I did. I just like to play with them.Wait, that sounded wrong...

It felt like it should hurt, that strange invasion. But he doesn't care. All he can think of is the fact that his partner keeps hitting that same spot over and over again. The feel of flesh against flesh, the way he pushes into each thrust. No, it doesn't hurt, but it's starting to fray his self-control.

If there was a such thing as heaven on earth, then Leon was definitely there. The blond beneath him was making the most delicious noises, quiet little gasps and moans. He can't really remember the man's name, nor does he really care. All that matters is the slick, tight heat surrounding him. He moves again, and a strange whimper comes from the other man's throat. Briefly, Leon wonders if he's hurting him, but when he stops, there's an insistent push against him, and the fingers digging into his back will probably leave bruises, but that's okay, since this was probably a one night stand anyway.

Cloud wants to scream when the brunet stops moving. Despite his earlier misgivings, Zack had dragged him to Midgar for a surprise birthday celebration. Cloud's, in fact, since it wasn't everyday that one turned 22. After getting slightly drunk and dizzy (he swore the bartender had slipped something in his drink, too bad they weren't at Tifa's bar, her drinks never tasted strange),he'd ended up at the Honeybee Inn. There'd he'd found Leon, and somehow they'd ended up in bed. Despite the drunken haze, they were responsible adults, and lucky for them, the Inn was well supplied with the neccesary materials. Not that this was a bad thing mind you. Still, it feels good. Almost too good in fact.

He pushes up against Leon insistently, wanting to feel him again. The other man takes the hint, and moves almost completely out, leaving just the head of him inside. Cloud opens his mouth to protest, only to inhale sharply as Leon slams into him, hard and fast, nailing his prostate. Had he been capable of coherent speech, Cloud probably would've made some remark about it being unfair, but as he's not, and it doesn't matter anyway, all he can do is gasp. His partner repeats the action, timing his thrusts with the movement of his hand on Cloud's member.

Three more thrusts is all it takes, and his back arches, his world goes white, and for a moment, he's lost in sensation.

After Cloud recovers enough to move, Leon manages to get them both in the shower, which leads to more fun, resulting in Leon being taken this time around.

At the rate they were going, they were _never_ going to finish getting clean. Especially since Leon knows how to make the other man cling to him, gasping, as long fingers repeatedly stroke his G-spot, causing gasps and moans.

It's getting light outside by the time Cloud leaves the Inn (albeit reluctantly, he was having a rather good time). He's limping slightly, and will probably wake VERY sore later on, but that was fine, it was his birthday after all. Luckily, he didn't have to work today, or he'd never hear the end of it.

He makes his way to Tifa's bar, stumbles through the door, and collaspes on the couch. All things considered, it had been a good birthday.

Bleah. I don't like this chapter, it's short, messy, and not very good. But I needed to get it posted anyway.

Next chapter coming whenever I find time to write it. --;


	2. Of Denial and Men in Leather

Bleh. Chapter 2 at last, sorry for the lateness. Life got in the way, and that, coupled with writer's block, is the reason.

I thank everyone who reviewed. It's nice to know people like this thing, even though I have no idea where it's headed, and I wrote myself into a corner _twice.._

:smacks muses for the hell of it:

Enjoy nonetheless.

-----

Dysfunction Junction 2

Pairing/Fandom: Squall Leonhart/Cloud Strife  
Theme: The Closet, or, "Denial isn't just a River in Egypt!"  
Title: Of Denial and Men in Leather  
Author/Artist: Teddybear Angel  
Disclaimer: Don't own them. I just like to play with them.

----------------------------------------------------

Cloud woke up with a splitting headache and severe nausea. He groaned, and tried to move. Tried being the operative word.

"OW! FUCK!"

Fire shot up his spine, and through his ass, which was apparently, very sore.

"Damn it to hell and back again!" Just how bad had he gotten drunk last night?

Another attempt to move brought another round of pain. He grimaced, and managed to get up to stumble into the bathroom. Thank god it was right next door.

After the requisite shower, the soreness eased some. Enough for him to sit down on the toilet (lid down, towel wrapped around his waist ), and try to piece together what happened, at least.

"Let's see. Yesterday was my birthday. Zack mentioned drinks, and maybe a trip to Sector 6." _What else..._

"Went to the Honeybee Inn. Had a few drinks. "

----

_A man in black leather sitting next to him, looking a bit out of his element. Easy on the eyes though, with long brown hair, and a small stud in the left ear. _

_"Want a drink?" It was only proper to offer, it was his birthday. Why not share? Zack was paying anyway. _

_"Okay."_

_General conversation, mostly small talk. The weird aftertaste of daiquiris, like something extra had been added. Girls in bee outfits going in and out of the room with various men. _

----

"Just how many drinks _did _I have?" Had to be a lot, he usually never had many drinks, wasn't particulary fond of alcohol unless he was at Tifa's.

----

_The two continued chatting and drinking. Cloud really should've quit 2 beers ago, come to think of it. Ah well._

_Cloud was vaguely aware that his hand was rubbing Black Leather's leg, and moving upwards. Black Leather didn't seem to mind though, he was returning the favor. _

_"What's your name?"_

"Leon. You?"

"Cloud. Wanna go fuck?"

Well, it wasn't the best thing he could've said, but it worked. 

_After finishing their current drinks, they left some money on the counter and headed upstairs towards Leon's room, groping and fondling what skin they could reach. _

_Tugging at belts, shirts, and pants, the alcohol in their systems making the process a bit slower than usual. Hot kisses, messy and sloppy with haste, and hands going everywhere, exploring unfamilar skin. _

_Somehow they made it to the bed. Leon managed to clear his head enough to insist on protection. Better safe than sorry. Checking the side table dresser proved the Inn was well prepared for this sort of thing. _

_Slick fingers moving inside him, stretching him, and the other hand pumping him as distraction. Blunt heat pressing against him, then slipping inside. Despite being drunk, he tensed for a moment, body unused to the strange invasion. He relaxed soon, though. It felt good, as he arched up. Felt like it should hurt, but it didn't. Just flesh against flesh, and hanging on for dear life as Leon repeatedly hit his prostate over and over, making him gasp and moan. _

_His fingers were digging into Leon's back, and he nearly screamed when the man stopped moving. He arched insistently, wanting to feel more. The man took the hint, and moved almost completely out. _

_He frowned, and opened his mouth to protest, only to inhale sharply as Leon slammed forward, hard and fast, timing each thrust to the movement of the hand on his arousal. _

_Three more thrusts, and his vision blurred, his body went tense and tight, and pleasure ripped through him, mind going blissfully blank as his breath caught in his throat. Euphoria._

_When he recovered enough, Leon dragged them both to the shower. More fun was had there, running soap over sticky and flushed skin, hands going everywhere as they rinsed off..._

----

Cloud's face was rather warm as he remembered what else had transpired in the shower. After that, though, everything was a bit blurry. He did remember walking back to Tifa's bar (thankfully, she had known he was coming, and had left the door unlocked for him), and crashing on the couch.

He sighed, and went about getting dressed. He needed to talk to Tifa anyway.

----

"So you're telling me, that you got drunk, and had sex with a really hot guy, and can't remember it? Good grief."

"I remember most of it. I know Zack wandered off with a nice girl. Or maybe it was a boy. I dunno." Cloud rested his arms on the bar countertop, and laid his head on his folded arms. "All I know is, he wore black leather, and had an earring in one ear."

"You do know this marks the beginning of something, right?"

"It does not. I'm not gay."

"Suuuure." Tifa snickered.

"I was drunk, it doesn't count, and stop laughing!"

"I'm sorry. I just find it funny! All these years you've claimed not to be gay, and it all comes undone in one night!" Tifa was laughing outright now.

"I was drunk, remember! It doesn't count!"

Tifa managed to get herself under control long enough to ask a single question.

"Did you enjoy it?"

"..."

"Well?"

"Yes." The blond's face was flaming red by now.

"And if you weren't drunk, would you have enjoyed it otherwise?"

"I don't know!" Tifa had an annoying way of being sensible when he least wanted her to.

"Mmmhmm. My suggestion is, find Mystery Man, screw him again, and then see how you feel."

"TIFA!"

The dark haired woman cracked up again.

-----  
_Meanwhile, at the Honeybee Inn..._

One Squall Leonhart was currently bowing to the porcelain god, and wondering what on earth possesed him to drink so much last night.

A headache the size of Midgar pounded behind his temple, and it felt like his stomach was doing somersaults. 

He squeezed his eyes shut. God Almighty, and heaven help him, he wasn't touching anything remotely like alcohol again.

After his stomach settled a bit, Leon managed to stand up, and winced at the pain shooting down his spine. Apparently, he and his partner had both gotten carried away, as he vaguely remembered being taken in the shower. They had then gone another round on the bed, then the table, and if he was correct, against the wall.

After his bath, he got dressed, stripped the bed, and headed downstairs. He didn't feel up to breakfast, not with his stomach still protesting from the night before.

After paying the bill (including extra since the room was rather messy), he went for a walk. Maybe the fresh air would help clear his mind. And hopefully jog his memory about who he slept with last night.

Leon frowned thoughtfully. He wasn't much for one night stands, much less alcohol. Perhaps it was thought of being on vacation, and away from Rinoa trying to set him up with various guys. The girl was nice, really she was, but she was just as bad as Quistis, what with the constant matchmaking attempts, and the insistence that he was lonely.

Deciding to put such thought out of his mind for now, he focused on last night. '_let's see, drinks, blonde hair in an unusual style. Unusual name as well.' _He sighed. Names were good, as long there was a face to go with it. _'Nevermind. I'm sure he'll turn up again. Most people I meet usually do.'_

-----

After leaving Tifa's, Cloud had more or less camped out at one of the local cafe's, eating ice cream and watching the local men and women, which made for pleasant eyecandy. He was straight, damn it! And if his eyes occasionally landed on a cute guy, well, that was coincidence, right?

Speaking of cute guys, there went one now. In black leather that looked awful familar, come to think of it.

Wait a minute. Black leather? Check. Long brown hair? Check. Earring in the left ear? Well, he couldn't really see it, but probably a check. Hmmm..

Cloud dismissed it as a sense of deja vu. There were plenty of leather wearing guys in Midgar. He finished his ice cream, and got up to throw away his trash.

-----

Leon had wandered down one of the main streets of Midgar, passing a small cafe. He paused, spotting a familar shock of blond hair. _'Nah, couldn't be him. Then again, not many people have that particular hairstyle.'_ He shrugged, and continued walking.

As a result, he wasn't paying attention as he bumped into someone.

"Oof. Excuse me."

"Sorry. My fault."

"It's okay," both men said at the same time.

Leon and Cloud stared at each other for a moment, then shrugged and went on, without any sign that they had recognized the other, except for a strange sense of deja vu.

Halfway back to Tifa's, however, Cloud finally remembered the other man's name. He groaned. Time to head to Zack's then. He switched directions.

-----

"Alright, lemme get this straight. You've slept with a guy, you've met him in the street, and you just now remember who he is?" Zack shook his head. "Man, you are hopeless."

The two were sitting on Zack's bed, which was surprisingly free of clutter. His apartment was usually a disaster area.

"Oh, like you remember who you slept with last night."

"I do, actually. A lovely little lady named Annie."

Cloud rolled his eyes. "Back to the point."

"Which is what?

"..Whether I'm gay or straight."

"Bi, most likely."

"...That's no help."

Zack sighed. The boy seriously needed to get over himself.

"Think about it. Do you like Tifa?"

"Yeah."

"Do you think she's attractive? I mean, as in the 'I wanna drag you off to bed and fuck all night' kind of way."

"Zaaaack."

"Well?"

"Yes."

"Okay. First part done. Now, do you think I'm attractive?"

Cloud's answer was automatic. "No."

"..."

"..."

"That's just mean." Zack pretended to be hurt.

"It's the truth."

"Ugh. Fine. We're gonna have to do this the hard way."

"Define hard way."

Zack stood up. "Not telling. You'll run off." He walked over to the door and opened it. "Now come on. This won't be as bad as you think it will. "

"This coming from the man whose idea of fun differs greatly from everyone else's."

"I can't help it if I have a warped sense of humor. No one appreciates my genius."

"What genius?"

"...Shut up and come on." With a sigh, Cloud rose off the bed and proceeded to follow Zack down the hallway.

They stopped at a door with the number 12 on it, and Zack pounded on the door. An exasperated 'come in' was heard, Zack turned the knob, and barged in, dragging Cloud behind him.

Sephiroth was currently typing away on his laptop at his computer desk, slim wire frame glasses balanced on the bridge of his nose. He looked up as both men stood in front of him. "Alright Zack. What do you want, what for, and is this going to result in my wanting to tear my hair out? "

"Question one, advice, question 2, it involves my buddy here, and question three, no. All you have to do is sit there, look wise, and give advice when neccesarry. "

Green eyes rolled heavenward. "Oh joy."

"Yeah, lucky you. Okay Cloud, moment of truth."

"Eh?"

"Do you think Seph is attractive? You can be honest, he won't get mad."

"..."

"..Zack, are you trying to turn the boy gay or straight?"

"Just trying to help him out a bit, is all."

"Do I even want to know?" Cloud shook his head vigorously, blond spikes bobbing with the motion. "Probably wise."

"You two are no fun." Zack was on the verge of a pout.

"Your version of fun differs from everyone else's."

"That's what Cloud said."

"Then he's a smart man."

The two men bickered back and forth, giving Cloud the chance to sneak out.

-------

Zack was frustrated. Okay, more like super irritated. Here he was, trying to help his best friend through a problem, and the boy took off on him! Grrrr.

He headed back to his apartment, and sure enough, there was a note taped to the door.

'Went home to think. And to get dinner.

Thanks for trying to help.  
C'

Well, that was an improvement at least. He really hated it when Cloud got all mopey. Wasn't good for him in the least.

Zack sighed, and picked up the phone, dialing the number for Kiki's Chinese Delivery Service. Food first, then bugging one's best friend. After placing the order for crab rangoon, shrimp fried rice, and spring rolls, plus sweet and sour soup, (hey, he was hungry dammit, and he'd skipped breakfast) he hung up and dialed Cloud's number.

-----

Cloud Strife was currently in his living room, watching tv, and eating leftover pizza. He really should stop watching HBO, they never really played anything good. He flipped the channel, pausing at Showtime. Joe's Apartment was just starting. And it was a show about roaches. Ew. Zack might like it though. Weird movies like that were right up his alley.

The phone rang. He absently grabbed it and another piece of pizza. "Hello?"

"Hellllllooooooo, nurse!" Cloud groaned. "Zack, what do you want?"

"Just to talk to you."

"Suuuuure."

"I promise, I won't bug you about your sexuality. Even if you are possibly bi."

"Zaaaaack..."

"Hey, Joe's Apartment! Haven't seen that in awhile."

"...That's what I'm watching now."

"Didn't figure you were the type to watch weird movies like that."

"What can I say, you rubbed off on me."

"Mmmm. Oh, hey, that reminds me."

"What?"

"There's a bachelor auction coming up in few days. Wanna go?"

"No."

"Please? It'll be a way to make it up to me for running out and leaving me here by my lonesome."

"Sephiroth is just down the hall."

"Seph doesn't want me." There was a distinct pouting tone to the older man's voice.

"Why you two are friends is beyond me."

"Eh, we're a regular modern day Odd Couple."

Cloud snorted. "You got the odd part right."

"You know, I don't have to take this abuse."

"...Sorry."

"No you're not, but I'll forgive you anyway. Now about that bachelor auction..."  
--------

And that's it for this chapter. I'm sorry it sucks, it didn't want to cooperate, and then my Zack muse decided he had to be in the story, and Cloud decided to get snarky, so yeah.

The next chapter will be up sooner than this one hopefully... and I already have chapter 4 written, so I'll post them at the same time.

And Hanae, I don't care what you say, getting over writer's block does NOT happen just like that! XP

Oh, as for how Zack and Seph know each other, think of it like opposites attract. How they met will be explained later. They're not a couple, however, just friends.


End file.
